Libelous swine!

[flatvurm]

So I think there's this largely unexplored area of legal humor. Not like, "How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?" kind of legal humor, but the fact that reading legal opinions about the most inane topics tends to kind of bring me a chuckle or two.

I'm going to take this opportunity to re-plug this Legal Guide for Bloggers from the EFF that aylack talked about, just cuz I think it's interesting and shit. I'd also like to excerpt a few things, because I fixate and that's how my mind works. I will say, firstly, that I had the most fun in their section about defamation. Largely I was attraced to the excerpt below, which is apparently regarding a case concerning "the alleged defamatory statement that plaintiffs were the top-ranking 'Dumb Asses' on defendant's list of 'Top Ten Dumb Asses.'" Upon reading that, I already knew I was going to like it. (This is in the bit about "verifiable facts," by the way.)

A statement that the plaintiff is a "Dumb Ass," even first among "Dumb Asses," communicates no factual proposition susceptible of proof or refutation. It is true that "dumb" by itself can convey the relatively concrete meaning "lacking in intelligence." Even so, depending on context, it may convey a lack less of objectively assayable mental function than of such imponderable and debatable virtues as judgment or wisdom. Here defendant did not use "dumb" in isolation, but as part of the idiomatic phrase, "dumb ass." When applied to a whole human being, the term "ass" is a general expression of contempt essentially devoid of factual content. Adding the word "dumb" merely converts "contemptible person" to "contemptible fool." Plaintiffs were justifiably insulted by this epithet, but they failed entirely to show how it could be found to convey a provable factual proposition. ... If the meaning conveyed cannot by its nature be proved false, it cannot support a libel claim.

So great. :) I especially like the part about what ass means specifically when referring to a whole human. :)

I also enjoyed their discussion of "libel per se," which I guess is automagically libel and doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room. Among other things, libel per se can apparently consist of "a statement that falsely: imputes in him the present existence of an infectious, contagious, or loathsome disease; [or] imputes to him impotence or a want of chastity." I love the statements considered so insulting that there is no defense against making them.

So just keep that in mind, my friends, the next time you have the urge to blog that "Rob is a limp-dicked whoremonger with the flu!"