flatvurm: (box)
The last few weeks have kind of been a warm-up, but concrete steps have been taken, so it's time to take the veil off of something I've been referencing lately. The previously mentioned "Project Dante" is that I'm moving in with Tabitha. I've been basically living that life the last several weeks, just kind of learning the routines and so forth -- sort of a trial run, I guess -- but today I got a storage unit so I could empty out my apartment, and...well, that's it, I guess. So that's going to be my primary project this week; I've got to tear down the old place. There's not much to be done on the moving-in side, I think. I'm kinda resetting life in a more minimalist fashion for the time being until we figure out space and so forth.


Welp. While I was writing this, the kiddo injured himself, so guess I'll sign off. I originally was going to say that I may drop off the map for like a week or so while I take care of the tear-down, but as I think of it, it doesn't seem necessary. Not like I spend a shitload of time blogging these days, anyway. We'll see how it goes. I won't beat myself up if I miss a few entries, though.

Until next time.
flatvurm: (worry)
So this will mark my first post solely on Dreamwidth, and so I guess it's officially the end of my time with LiveJournal. So it goes.

I actually had a supremely unproductive weekend, so this will be a short entry. Actually, I think I'm going to be looking at about a week or so of short entries, but I'll get to that later. But anyway.

Friday was an evening in with Tabitha, which was nice. It wouldn't normally be novel, because Friday used to be date night, but we've been doing some rescheduling of late, so we don't normally have Fridays together these days. But this one we did, and it was good. Nothing in particular to report there, I don't think; we're still making our way through Orphan Black. I ate too much. We ordered from that burrito place again. I was proud of myself for not eating every damn thing; I actually set aside enough for a second meal later. But I blew that advantage by sucking down like a whole container of ice cream after. No regrets. Well, I regretted it at the time. :)

Oh, you know? I just remembered about Friday...I made a terrible mistake early on. I decided to splurge on breakfast, so I got a bunch of junk food while I was running errands in the morning. That wasn't the terrible mistake; that was just a regular mistake. The terrible mistake was then laying down afterward. I can't remember why, now, but I was sleep deprived that day, so I tried to take a nap, which the long history of my life tells me I am terrible at. So I tried to nap. I fell asleep, but I got like horrible reflux from it, because it was right after all that junk food. I was pretty bad that afternoon. Bizarrely, I felt better after I choked down some kefir. I dunno, man. Life.

Anyway. Saturday, Tabitha had her business to take care of, so I basically had a day to myself. I was totally a lump. Pretty much I just watched TV. Haven't had a day like that in a long time. But Tb had the car, and it was raining, so I felt perfectly justified just taking a day to do nothing. I could haven't spent it more productively on the computer, but...I didn't. I decided since it was Saturday morning, I was going to kick it old school and watch some cartoons, so that's what I did. Also I checked out some of that new MST3K, which made me happy. And I watched Kindergarten Cop?! I don't know why Pamela Reed didn't become a big star. I think she was before her time, maybe. So, yeah. Bunch of TV. Not a lot else.

Today (Sunday), was slightly more normal, I suppose. It wasn't as planned, necessarily, but I did some chores and did productive stuff. I think I woke up a bit too late this morning, plus I took another impromptu nap mid-day, so none of that bodes well for me getting to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. Even so, I'll do what I can. I'm finding it hard to manage sleep around here. I wish I was better at napping; I think that would help me out a lot. There's nothing really for it, though; I just have to get to bed earlier.

Oh...I hit a milestone of sorts today. At the grocery store, I was trying to leave after checking out, and I was being blocked, and I don't mean this unkindly, by a young, fat kid trying to eat a cupcake. I gave him the "Excuse me, young man." What the fuck. I knew immediately after I'd said it that I crossed some kind of Rubicon. This is it. This is what life is now. I'm so old that I say, "Excuse me, young man," while I'm trying to get out of the supermarket. It's funny, too, because this comes on the heels of me wearing my "grumpy old man" hat around the other day. I took a selfie with it. It might have been the most popular thing I've ever posted on Facebook. So, yeah. That's how life is now. :)

EDIT: Guess this didn't turn out to be such a short entry, after all.
flatvurm: (box)
 All right, this is half a test post, and half an administrative update. I guess that second half only applies if the test is successful.

Regardless, here it is. If this posts successfully, it should show up on both my brand new spiffy Dreamwidth blog and my old and busted LiveJournal blog. Consider my LJ blog now closed and defunct. My new journaling digs are at https://flatvurm.dreamwidth.org. All my old journal entries should be moved over to DW at this point, which means that they'll start disappearing from LJ. All except this explanatory post, I guess. And then I guess future posts will all appear on Dreamwidth instead of LiveJournal.

I guess that's it? Except bear with me while I figure out new blog themes and widgets and so forth, but it's not like there was ever anything super-fancy going on here. If you're reading this on LJ and could be convinced to switch over to Dreamwidth, I recommend you do so and then give me a ping. I haven't gone figuring out the friend/follow system, but that'll come with time. Okay, that's it. Weird midday post, but there ya go. :)

Need zees

Wed, Apr. 19th, 2017 21:10
flatvurm: (popcorn)
Another day of getting nothing done, but at least it was partially my own doing this time. Been short on sleep lately, and I think today it caught up with me, because my brain was not really functioning. So when I had some midday free time, instead of doing something useful, I watched The Adjustment Bureau, which I'd had kicking around here from Netflix for a while. It was a'aight. Like...it wasn't super good on its own, IMO, but it was kinda neat idea fodder. What I really wish is that I knew why I put it on my queue to begin with. :) Things sit around on the queue for so long; I wish I could add notes or something when I add it to my queue. Actually...I guess I could just do that on my own, huh. Like a supplemental list. Hmm. Yeah, should probably start doing that, at least if there's some interesting reason or whatever, and not, like, just a movie I want to see. I'm pretty sure there must have been a reason behind this one, but damned if I know what it was.

Anyway. Scintillating journal entry, this one. Did a bit of extra grocery shopping, did a lot of chauffeuring, watched that movie. Failed to nap. The plan for tonight is early bedtime. We'll see how that works out. :) Tb's got a lot of work the next week or so, so no time to play. I'll see if I can use that to increase my online time, which has been close to zero so far this week. I miss my virtual peeps. :)

But not right now. Right now, I'm looking forward to some good ol'-fashioned bed.


Tue, Apr. 18th, 2017 22:50
flatvurm: (fringehead bedhole)
Not mobile this time, but still gonna be a short entry. Today was originally going to be the launch of Project Dante, but I was so busy with homemaker stuff that I didn't get anything "extracurricular" done. I did a bunch of chores, though, which I feel good about. I forgot about all the chametz I would be hauling back after Passover finished. :) So, yeah...chores today.

A big P.S. from yesterday that I forgot to journal at the time, though. After family dinner, we swung by B&N real quick. Tabitha wanted to get some coffee, but I totally got sucked into their board game section. I should not be allowed into stores with games for sale. :) On the upside, I picked up some stuff I probably wouldn't have come across on my own and definitely wouldn't have come across through, like, Kickstarter. :) On the downside, I blew a whole bunch of money I didn't intend to. :) I guess it's fine. Ended up with a bunch of new games, at least.

Bad with controlling impulse buys, I guess is what I'm saying. Just thought I'd note it for the record.

I'm so tired. The kids are up and being loud as shit. Early day tomorrow, too. I guess this is what happens; this is how we turn into our parents. GO TO BED

Family ties

Mon, Apr. 17th, 2017 23:57
flatvurm: (fringehead bedhole)

Quick mobile entry. Family dinner tonight with me, Tb, Gb, Carmen, neice, Dad, and G. Back much later than planned because of a bridge closure. Boo. Good dinner, though, and snapped a couple pics. Cheesecake Factory. Passover ended actually during dinner, so none of the treasured brown bread for the kids until the appointed time. Cheescake was gotten to go, of course. I didn't even finish my fish. It was a good dinner, I thought, but it's late now, and everybody's cranky. A bit short on sleep from last night, and tomorrow is back to school for Gb, so more early rising. Gotta get to bed soon. Therapy canceled for tomorrow. Maybe more nap practice. ;)

Tempus fugit

Sun, Apr. 16th, 2017 23:01
flatvurm: (clock)
So here we are. I haven't journaled in like a week and a half. This week feels like it's been incredibly busy, but I think it was mostly just Passover and some extra socializing. And weirdness with Gb's school schedule threw me off my routine, too. I don't even know what kind of recap I can even get together, but let's see what we can do.

So...first night of Passover was this past Monday, so of course there's Tb's big seder to-do. I know a fair amount of last weekend was devoted to prep for that (shopping and so forth), but she had off work Monday and Tuesday, as well. I think Gb had school on Monday but not on Tuesday? Something like that. Anyway, so...seder on Monday, with all that attached rigmarole. It was just me, Tb, Gb, and grandma and D. And a shitload of work. Mostly Tb doing the work. Tuesday we (the three of us) had a night 2 "friend seder" with Scott and Sam, Jacob and his dad, Rigel, Paulina, John, and the little one...was that it? I think that was it. P, J, and co. had to bust out early. I had to drag our party away because I was collapsing.

I can't remember what went down on Wednesday, but I don't think it was anything...bizarre? Thursday I headed a bit out into Jersey to have dinner with Dad, who's in town with G for a few days. Met up with the two of them plus Carmen and the sprout. Originally, Tb and Gb were going to join, but there were teacher conferences at school, so no-go. We're going to try that again Monday (tomorrow). We went to a random Filipino restaurant I found in the borderlands, and it turned out to be pretty good! We were almost the only people there, and the owner lady was excited to chat. She upsold me on a bunch of bibinka to take home, which actually turned out to be a great idea because (a) they're Passover-safe and (b) Tb ended up enjoying them. :)

I know that after that, so basically from Friday until now, I've been mostly a lump. Took care of a few necessary administrative things, and I've been keeping up with the domestic chores, but other than that, I've been doing a bunch of sitting around. Yesterday and Friday in particular I dedicated to a lot of online and podcast catchup. And I guess today, too, now that I think about it. Today was weird because Tb and I were running on like an offset schedule, but still...feel like I got stuff done.

Anyway. So it was a busy week, and there's a lot of lost time in there. Part of journalling was supposed to be so I could keep an eye on that stuff and not let it happen so much. Eh.

There's a lot of scuttlebutt about this new LJ situation. Sounds like some bad business and bad leadership, and people are jetting, so I may close this blog up, too. That means setting up shop elsewhere or just rebooting this whole situation. I dunno...I'll have to chew on it a bit, I think. I'm not sure I get what I should be getting out of journaling because I do it publicly, so I can't really let loose or anything or reveal too much. I mean, not sure I ever would, really, even without the public part, so...maybe this is as good as it gets? In any case, I always figured that if I had to close up shop at LJ, I'd pick up again on my own site, but I'm not so sure how I feel about that anymore. I dunno. Like I said...I gotta chew on it.

Mundane stuff... Got a few Kickstarter deliveries. Flagship of the fleet has got to be Unknown Armies. Can't wait to dig into that one; loved the original, so we'll see what this version brings. I know I'm already excited about the campaign prep relationship mapping stuff I got to try out at whatever Metatopia that was. Also got my print copies of Cabal and Eden. Cabal I'm pretty interested in checking out. It might tickle that spot that I used to feel about Conspiracy X for the group building stuff, but we'll see. Eden may not be that high on the reading list for a while. I mean, I was excited about it because it's from that whole Hobbs situation, but I'm not sure who I could really try it out with unless I can put together that fabled storygame-type group. I (finally) finished Star Wars: Aftermath, which I've been reading for I don't even know how long now. First book of the new canon. I don't think there's any way I can keep up, frankly. Like...I haven't even seen Rogue One yet. I don't even have a job, and I still don't seem to have any free time. I think I'm gonna need to start scheduling shit or something. Oh, in that same vein, though, I think probably for the next two weeks or so I'm going to be diving pretty deep in Project Dante, so I may or may not be keeping up with journaling for a little bit. Not like I've been doing so great lately anyway. We'll see. Both Passover and Easter should be done with after tomorrow, so that bodes well. Hopefully things will be getting a little bit back to normal. I'll still be running Gb's commute for a little bit, though; the school buses are still on vacation, so he's gotta be chauffeured around still. Luckily, he's off tomorrow.

Weather's getting warm again. Blah. Too soon. So, yeah. Normal-ish day tomorrow, maybe lighter in the morning, but the evening will be another family gathering so...yeah. Then a kinda more normal Tuesday, like with Gb in school and therapy and stuff, but then Gb has an appointment I've got to see to in the afternoon. Heh. Maybe a little more busy in the next couple days than I originally thought, then. :) We'll see.
flatvurm: (clock)

Another phone post because I couldn't be bothered to set the computer back up again. Unlike yesterday, though, I did at least get a good block of online time today, just in a different location, so I was carting my laptop around. Hopefully the same tomorrow, after which point I hope to be caught up again. What a treadmill. Self-inflicted, of course.

Recent changes to LJ have people worried, it looks like. There's talk of blog migration and stuff. I feel like if I migrate at this point, I may just stop journaling. I dunno. Extra tired today, I guess. Won't make any decisions tonight. Should figure out better ways to spend my time, though, probably.

flatvurm: (taenia)

Going mobile just for a quick non-entry. I tore down my computer last night in anticipation of a location change today, but that got weathered out. Was to lazy to set the computer back up today, so I guess I never made it online. Big chore day today. Mostly laundry. Therapy was a kind of deep dive, so I was kinda thrown off today anyway. Got some podcasts in. Laundry is good for that.

Oh, and I learned late last week that Netflix added The Real Ghostbustersso I got my first taste of that rewatch today. And it tasted sweet. ;) Started The Legend of Korrawith the family tonight. Pretty badass so far.

Guess that's it. Early day tomorrow, so should hit the hay soon. Also I hate typing on my phone. ;)

Quick one

Mon, Apr. 3rd, 2017 22:26
flatvurm: (cooking)
Schedule got a little bit perturbed today, so I didn't get a chance to rework my bogging time like I originally intended to. On the upside, though, I was pretty productive on the domestic front. Today was kind of a first step to grocery shopping for the household instead of just for me. Well, okay...it was mostly for me. :) But it's all for the communal pool, so...it's all good. In fact, we had some of the veggies I got with dinner tonight. :) Oh, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Mostly what today marks is the start of a new diet kinda thing. It's really more of a schedule; I'm trying out that smaller-portions-more-often thing. But the guidebook outlines a pretty strict schedule and menu, and my whole life is going to basically become vegetables, so...we'll see how that goes. For a Day One, today actually wasn't too bad. It was nice to not feel like I was stuck in the stuffed/ravenous cycle. On the other hand, I was basically kind of a low-grade hungry the entire day. That's probably not such a bad thing, though. As long as I can keep my metabolism up, it should be good for me. Anyway. The idea at this point is just to form some new habits. I doubts I'll be following the strict regimen -- the shit is ridiculous, and also, at times, suspect. But it's good to be paying attention to when and how much I'm eating, which is something I've certainly been paying no attention to.

I feel like there's other stuff, but I can't really get into it, I don't think. I'm going to leave myself a note of the initials ZS. And anybody who dives deep into RPG design stuff knows what I'm talking about (let me pair that with the initials WW). People who know also know why I'm not going to make it explicit. ;) In vague terms, I found myself torn between trying to stay out of drama vs. trying to spread the good word of what I know to be true. Usually this is a no-brainer; I try to avoid drama if at all possible. But...I dunno. I found myself speaking up. I'm still kind of second-guessing. What makes my opinion so important? People thinking their opinion is so important is what leads to so much goddamn nonsense every day. And yet. Should I not take a stand for the right if I have the opportunity? I dunno. It's a little too close to "gossip" for me, which is never something I'm comfortable with. I tell myself that the cause of exposing assholery should outweigh my unease with gossip and drama. And this is beyond assholery. It's dangerous. But still, it worries at me. Maybe something good for therapy tomorrow. *shrug* It's tough. There is a line between being a jerk and being an actual danger. I'm sure of it. But I guess it feels like it's hard to see it. And if I can see it but someone else can't, convincing them of it is often a fool's errand, right? Anyway. It's not important. I said my piece, and my position remains. Whether this affected anyone else or not, I don't even know. And if there was no effect, there should be nothing to worry over, right? Eh. That's that whole consequentialism/deontology thing, right? And I don't have the brain for that tonight.

So, yeah. Oh! Forgot the whole schedule thing. So firstly, I'm adjusting to this new eating schedule, which is weird enough. But then Tb ended up with a surprise half-day today, so she came back to work on homework, and I did that whole grocery-shopping adventure. I guess that's not that great of a story, huh. ;) The result is not a lot of online time today, and I guess I got house stuff done, but not a lot outside of that. So it goes.
flatvurm: (clock)
Have I really not journaled since Wednesday?! This is exactly the kind of thing I wanted to avoid by doing daily entries, because now I can't really remember what's been going on since then. Wednesday's entry was more kind of an experiment, anyway, too. I figured if all my entries are going to be the same (domestic life, chores, online catchup, podcasts), then maybe I'd do a little more on thought experiments or whatever instead of just making the same blog entry over and over. I'd like to do more...other writing. I was going to say "interesting," but let's not get away from ourselves, here. ;) Anyway. Let's see what I can piece together.

I honestly can't remember anything about Thursday, which probably means it was a normal day. Friday was basically my first night alone pursuant to Project Dante, but the rest of the day was pretty straightforward, I think. This weekend I mostly just chilled, I guess. Online catchup (heh) and podcasts (heh). I did get a chance to watch Dragon Blade, though, since I promised Tb I wouldn't make her watch it. Oh, man...it was ridiculous and good. :) It clearly had that Hong Kong melodrama. It oozed it. I'm sure it would have driven Tb crazy. ;) But since I had just come off of Infernal Affairs a few days ago (or last week...or something...), I was all right with it. :) Anyway, I owe Dorian big-time for putting that on my radar. Good times. ;)

I'm watching Orphan Black with Tb these days. We're still on season 1, but it's getting really good! I'm into it. It seems to spark a lot of setting/game ideas for me, so that's never a bad thing. Plus it's, you know, just a good show.

Okay, I gotta cut this short, I think. We're considering a diet and it's making me depressed. ;) Domestic life continues.
flatvurm: (stupid cat)
The cats here have a toy, though it's really only used by Sonya. It's basically a Weeble; it's a little hollow plastic Grimace-shaped figure with a hole basically where the ass is. You fill the inner hollow with cat treats, and when it is sufficiently batted around, a treat will probably get pooped out. I think it's supposed to be an alien, but I call it the TreatBot. Sonya is a weird one; she doesn't seem to really enjoy the wet food so much, so she mostly just eats treats. Sometimes she'll bother Tb enough that Tb will shake a pile out for her from the main container, but for the most part, she's encouraged to extract treats from the TreatBot.

I watched Sonya engage with the TreatBot for a time today. I don't think she's very bright, but she gets the general idea of the TreatBot. If she knocks it around enough, often there will be a treat waiting for her at some point. I say "often" because it's not a sure thing. Sometimes it will tip over the correct way, but owing to whatever chaos is happening in the treat collection, sometimes no treat will come out. But it happens often enough that she gets the gist of the activity, anyway. She'll sit there and smack the TreatBot around for a time, and whenever she discovers that a treat has been left behind, she stops and eats it. Then she'll go back to smacking the poor thing around again.

It occurred to me as I was watching that I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand the physics of the situation. Like...it seems clear that she doesn't get that if a treat doesn't appear, it may just take a little extra shaking to get one to come out; the whole process has to be repeated of standing the TreatBot up and batting it around again until it falls over. I started to wonder if she even understands the causality of what's happening. Does she know there's a difference between a random occurrence of a treat not being ejected vs. the state of the TreatBot running out of treats? Tb refills the TreatBot often while Sonya is sitting right there watching. Does Sonya resent that the treats are put in the 'Bot instead of just on the floor for her to eat? Does she have the capacity for abstract thought necessary to conceive of something like a "container"? Can she draw the analogy between the TreatBot and the larger container that the treats come in when purchased from the store? How about a container of treats vs. a container of wet food? Is she aware that the 'Bot is decorated and formed to resemble a human (or at least something similar to that)?

Whatever the case, as I sat there watching, apparently what ended that particular session of 'Bot-smashing and treat extraction was that she'd eaten too much and she sat there and vomited all over the floor. What the hell, man. The treats are so much trouble to get from the 'Bot. Why continue that maddening process if you're past the point where you can digest what you've eaten. Are they that delicious? Or is the hunt that compelling, perhaps? Or does she just not have sufficient awareness of the state of her body to realize she's eaten too much? Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to speak to animals, or at least understand them. Sometimes I want to be able to hear it right from her; what the hell were you thinking. Other times, though, I don't think that would really get me anywhere. Even if she had the capability to put those ideas into words that I could understand, sometimes I think I just wouldn't be satisfied by the answers.


Today I did chores and ran errands. I'm feeling especially run down tonight, but in that good way after I got things accomplished. I think I'm going to sleep well tonight.
flatvurm: (cooking)
It looks like I skipped a night of journaling last night. I don't even remember why. Oh, wait, yes I do. I came over to Tb's and didn't bring my computer. I think yesterday was largely online catchup, if I recall correctly. Oh, and a fair amount of cooking. I'm on one of my missions to clear food out of my stores, so that generally means preparing a bunch of food and then eating it slowly over the next little while. Yeah...I don't think there was much else. Online catchup and cooking. And probably podcasts. Cooking and podcasts go well together.

Today was therapy, per usual. It was good, also per usual. I did some more cooking, actually, but this time at Tb's as kind of dinner prep, I guess. I don't think I did a very good job. :) Which was fine, because it ended up not being needed. She's feeling under the weather, so we just ordered out anyway. I also managed to catch the Misdirected Mark stream, which was nice. I think I missed last week. Actually, I know I did because I only caught up with the recording earlier today. Anyway, tonight I brought Tb along for the ride, so that's sharing a little taste of what my routine is usually like. :) Tonight's show was pretty great; they had John Adamus on as a guest, and he is really damn good. It's funny; since his Kickstarter is running currently, I've heard so much of him lately, so that's been nice, kind of getting to know him from a fan standpoint. I know Mark (Richardson) is good friends with him, so I basically knew he was a good guy and everything, but it's pretty cool hearing so much from him over the last week or so. He's definitely excited about this project, which is always nice to hear. I hope I get to meet him at a future Double Exposure event or something.

The one thing notable about today, I guess, was that I spent zero time on social media. Probably means tomorrow will be full of more catching up. So it goes. That's a whole different kind of treadmill, I guess. A better one than the rat race, though, to be sure.

Anyway, it's on the late side and I should be getting to bed. So, overall, a pretty good day. No complaints.

Cheat day

Sun, Mar. 26th, 2017 23:02
flatvurm: (bowels)
I think mostly my accomplishments today center around grooming, which is, you know, a rare enough thing for this guy. Might have been a little overzealous with the trimming of the facial hair, but I couldn't be bothered with nuance today. Most of the rest of the time was just chillin'. Hung out online, watched some TV, basically made a nothing day of it. Overall pretty chill weekend, I guess. Good times.

I spent more than the usual amount of time really paying attention to reading stuff, thinking about it, and some writing. Not, like, real writing, just more the getting thoughts out stuff. Part of it was a G+ thread on White privilege, which...well, I guess it didn't take long to take a dumb turn. Not my thread, either...I just wandered off my path a little and contributed a (solicited) opinion. The other was this pretty in-depth article about game design in a larger social context. I found it really interesting. I'm still kind of digesting, but I posted a little about it. (Cross-posted FB/G+, which is also a weird move for me, but I felt like there were people in each audience that would be interested.) Article here for reference. Maybe I'll try and get back to that sometime if I think about it. Like that ever happens any time I say it. :)

Guess I didn't have a lot to say here today. Kinda tapped out. Is that how that works? Do I only have a certain amount of writing energy? Hmm.
flatvurm: (fringehead bedhole)
I don't even feel like it's worth journaling tonight, but I've got some time, so why not. Could have done last night, too, probably, but I was wiped out. I'm pretty sure I was sick, but it must have been like the mildest cold ever. Went to bed early, got a good night's sleep, and I'm basically feeling fine today. Weird, too...I could feel it in my throat, and that's usually where it lasts the longest, but oh well? Maybe there is something to Tb's zinc obsession after all. ;) Anyway. As predicted, today was given mostly to online catchup, though I also did my bills, so that was at least something semi-productive taken care of. I think I spent more time online today than I did this whole past week, so that's something. Not sure if good or bad, but it's something. :)

Anyway. Yeah...was just about to shut down for bed, but just popped in to blog at the last minute. Not a lot of energy, and not a lot to say. That's just going to be how it goes sometimes, I think.


Thu, Mar. 23rd, 2017 21:42
flatvurm: (box)
Not much from today, basically just another day of chores and domesticity. I fixed a broken dresser of Tabitha's, which I was mighty proud about, but then I broke a wine glass, so maybe that's kind of a wash. Otherwise, I just did a smidge more to advance Project Dante and just did kind of normal everyday stuff. I mean everyday for normal people, I guess, not everyday for me. I still haven't quite worked out getting online time into my routine. It's actually a little nice, not spending so much time online. I mean I know that it's not all nice; there's shit that I'd like to be plugged into that I'm not, but it's nice to at least feel kind of productive with my time. I think we're going to try and shoot for an early night tonight. We both might be getting sick, which would suck. I might have some free-range time this weekend, so I'll probably be doing some catchup and whatnot. Oh! One other nice thing about not being jacked in so much is that I'm getting some reading done, both fiction and games, so can't complain about that, huh. :) No matter what I get done, though, I always feel like I'm in one of those situations where it's like here's five things, but choose four. You can never get ahead that way, you know? Currently, while I'm not working, in theory I have the most time available to me to allocate as I see fit, but it never feels like I address everything I need to, so that's pretty much an indicator that I need to reduce demands, right? Easier said than done! Still, it's a journey, and life isn't really anything to complain about for the time being. Quite the opposite, actually. Things are good. I like it.

Playing house

Wed, Mar. 22nd, 2017 22:44
flatvurm: (box)
Looks like I missed a couple days there. I've been outside the normal routine lately, and that kind of thing always throws me, so I haven't been getting around to journaling. Gb is on spring break, which generally means he spends most of his time with Grandma, so Tb and I have been playing house this week. I'm liking it. :) I've been chauffeuring and being domestic and stuff. It looks like this is the lead-in to a more permanent situation, so that's pretty exciting. It has also, though, meant that I haven't been doing any of the things I normally do, most notably spending grotesque amounts of time online. That's both good and bad. I mean, it's good in the sense that I shouldn't really be spending all that time online, anyway. But bad in that the stuff keeps piling up, and I'm missing out on what all is going on in my virtual life. ;)

I don't even really remember what I've been up to. I mean, mostly during the day I've been running errands and stuff. Shopping and the like. Domestic stuff. At some point we had movie night and the three of us watched Malcolm X together, which was pretty great. That was on Monday, actually, now that I think about it. Tb was away for the weekend, so she took Monday off from work for recovery. We basically spent half the day hanging out together, then the other half with Gb. So that was movie night. So I guess Tuesday was errands and stuff. Plus therapy, of course. Hoo boy, that was quite a session on Tuesday. In a good way, though. There is a lot going on, most of which I haven't been talking about here, I guess. I'm not sure how to represent that here in a way that will make sense to future me but still maintain people's privacy. So I'll say...this had to do with something I'll call Project Future J, and (separately, mostly) something I'll call Project Dante. The session totally flew by, but it was also very helpful. I'm finding that all the good I'm getting from therapy is only partially about the nitty-gritty of the therapeutic process. Another big part is really just plain ol' good advice. I really lucked out getting the therapist I did.

I missed the MM stream on Tuesday, which was a shame, because it was episode 250 and also the fabled, long-awaited martial arts episode! I'll catch it on the podcast. That's another thing...I've been so "offline" that I've barely been listening to podcasts, either. They're really starting to pile up. This is what it's going to be like when I go back to working again. ;) Since I'm mostly at Tb's place for a while, I did a few domestic chores at my place today during the day. Got some laundry done, tidied a couple things...like that. I guess also I've started entering a mindset for approaching Project Dante, but this is totally just preparatory stuff. Like...not even making a plan. Just...planning to make a plan. I think I'll be able to approach it well because I have time on my hands. But we know how these things ususally go for me, so...we'll see. ;)

Something else I started doing with downtime, basically just on a lark, is replaying Twilight Princess. That is seriously not what I need to be doing right now. ;) It's because Breath of the Wild came out and totally put me in a Zelda mood. And I never really heard anything encouraging about Skyward Sword, so I feel like I might actually just be able to skip that one. Anyway. I could be playing Breath of the Wild, but I just couldn't pull the trigger on making the purchase. Maybe after Project Dante is complete. That might make a good reward, actually. :) On a more general note, I'd like to get myself thinking more in terms of rewards. Well, more to the point, earning rewards. I never really stopped to think about it, but I've spent several years now in a mode of more or less instant gratification. That...is a habit I should get out of. The sooner the better. So, yeah, I'll just state that right now, then...to get it on record and all official and junk. No Breath of the Wild until Project Dante is complete. Yeah. That feels right.

Oh, and also, I guess just for my own notes, let me say for the record that Project Future J has ostensibly been put on hold with no impact. For five years. FIVE YEARS. We'll see how that goes. In five years' time, let's see if I'm glad or not that I put that on record. :)

Oh! This doesn't really have to do with me, but I'll note it anyway. Today I got to see the first external, super-alpha build of Meg's project! I'll not name it for real, just in case (of what??? no idea), but I'll call it Mahou Cylinders. It was further along than I expected, honestly! I mean, my expectations were just based on her lead-in, but it was exciting to see. I feel weirdly proud? I mean, it's just exciting, people getting things done. I never get anything done. :) But, yeah...red-letter day in that department. Also, I'll also note that John Adamus launched the Noir World Kickstarter campaign. I actually missed day 1 because I was offline, but that thing has gone like gangbusters! Good for him. I know he was worried about it, but it turns out there was no cause to be. Very exciting. I guess, too, I should note that the Companions' Tale campaign finished up today. It ended up going past 6x funding. So awesome for Laura. What a great game. Bit over a week left on Satanic Panic. Quite a bumper crop of great games. :)

In any case, getting close to bedtime. I'm just glad I got an entry in at all! What was different today was that I brought my laptop to Tb's place. :) The good: I can now operate here basically like I'm at home base. The bad: stupid unfamiliar keyboard keeps tripping me up. ;)


Sun, Mar. 19th, 2017 17:23
flatvurm: (d12)
I might be busy later tonight, so I thought I'd try and get a quick post up now. I'll elaborate later if I have time. The highlights, though, are that yesterday I headed out to Queens for a putative chargen/session zero of the new Traveller with Gareth and that crowd. The way things shook out, though, half the people dropped out for being busy, sick, and then sick and also unaware that the game was happening. ;) We managed to pick up a couple stragglers, though, so in the end it was me, Stephan, Stephanie, Tom, and Dorian. We started off just hanging out and chit-chatting, mostly about capitalism and politics and non-profit funding models and all that kinda good stuff. :) Eventually, gamewise, we warmed up with a little Apples for Apples, then got some dinner. We tried out like half a game of Kaiju Incorporated (the card game, not the Fate RPG) and Helene sat in for part of that. It got pretty late, though, so we called it a night. Due to various train shenanigans, it took me like three hours or something to get home. Weaksauce. I'm honestly not that motivated to try something like that again without a car, but you gotta do what you gotta do. :)

Today, inspired by an FB post and on a whim of follow-up, I watched Contact again. Better than I remember, honestly. Still slow and long, but whaddaya gonna do. Dorian tipped me off to Dragon Blade which looks utterly ridiculous, but which I'm really looking forward to checking out sometime. :) Tb is back from a weekend away, so we're going to hang out tonight, which is why I may not be posting later. Better this way, anyway; maybe this will start the habit of not waiting until the last thing I do before bed to do my blogging.

Anyway. Overall, nice, chill weekend, and I even got a little socializing in there. It wasn't without it's difficulties. Mostly just the logistics of getting people together, but I also had a pre-event anxiety spike, so that's never good. I think a nice evening tonight will go a long way toward chilling me out, though. :) Online stuff's been pushed to the side while I pursue IRL fun, but I guess that's just how that goes. Gb's on spring break for the next couple weeks, so I'm sure that will mean more time with Tb, too. So, yeah, the world continues. Pretty good weekend, though. :)

Ups and downs

Thu, Mar. 16th, 2017 23:32
flatvurm: (robot)
Yeah, I'm definitely going to need a computer userpic or something. :) Nothing today but online catchup, really. In my defense, at least that was according to plan. Been doing so much other stuff lately that I've been kinda falling behind. Feels good to spend some time catching up. Also a very emotional day for some reason. Well...it's not random, I don't think. Had some pretty emotional talks with Tb lately. Nothing bad...just heavy. But I think that primes me for having overly emotional reactions. Heard about some numbskullery at Gb's school and I raged out a little. Blew my stack. In happier news, though, I got really kind of sentimental and sappy reading, of all things, some of Kat's GMing notes from Campaign. I mean what the hell, man.

I think about this sometimes, I guess. Things are very different with me these days. There are two very big differences in my life that have me dealing with my emotional side a lot more than...well, ever before. One is being in a committed, long-term, intimate relationship. The other is being in therapy (which, I guess, meets those qualifications, too, in a way). Both of those have been the case for several years now (relationship longer, for those keeping score), and both mean exploring and dealing with the dusty, disused corner of my brain. I guess to be honest about it there are times that I miss being more of a robot. Things were easier. Dealing with the world was easier. But exploring my humanity has its perks, certainly. It's never a bad thing to understand oneself better, certainly, and connecting to my emotions more helps me understand other people. At least I think it does. Or it takes me further in that direction, anyway. Never been a strong suit of mine. But anyway...being a more emotional being means...well...being a more emotional being. It means more experiencing things and processing than the old ways of suppressing. But it also means, at least for me currently, a lot more...I dunno. Things happening? Like I don't think my capacity is very high. Or rather...low throughput. Yeah...low throughput, no buffer. So I end up with, like...overflow? I'll have to work on the analogy. But whatever the model, the process by which I try and "tolerate" to deal with anxiety (and I guess depression) means I've broken some kind of cap...or like there's a valve that I can't close all the way. Sometimes the feelings just...keep pouring in. I don't try to shut it off anymore. I just try and experience it and deal. A lot of DBT is about awareness, tolerance, and acceptance. (Heh, as an aside... I meant that in an emotional sense, but those are also pretty decent goals in a social sense, too.) I suppose regulation is supposed to be part of that, too, but that's probably the hardest part for me. I'm told a lot that I tend to have an "all-or-nothing" attitude about things that gets in my way. If I extrapolate, looking through an "all-or-nothing" lens, then "regulate" just means "suppress." And since suppression is a practice I'm trying to get out of, things are going the other way for the time being.

Meh. Didn't mean to go on a whole therapy jag there. Was just an emotional day. Things are overall good, I think. It's a process. Just remembered that I skipped this week, too, because of the weather. It'll be good to get back in there next week.

What else... Oh! Made my first phone call today to Donovan's office to register against the AHCA. That was nice and fulfilling in its way. Fucking drop in the ocean, but part of what else I'm supposed to be doing with my time is figuring out how to get some good done in this world. Oh, and speaking of that...I saw a pretty good article today that gave me a lot to chew on. It touches on a lot of things I've been thinking about a lot over the past few weeks. Mechanization and automation of labor, dissociation from production, relationship with time. Well...relationship with clocks, I guess I should say, to be more to the point. I guess that last one always tends to recur around Daylight Saving Time changes (last weekend we sprung forward). Anyway. Good stuff. Need to find a new path.
flatvurm: (clock)
Ha! I meant to try writing an entry earlier in the day instead of doing it as the last thing before I power down the computer. Totally didn't do that. I even thought about it before, but I didn't start an entry because I hadn't had dinner yet. Yeah...fascinating stuff. ;) Anyway. Pretty busy today again. On a whim, I volunteered for chauffeur duty, so after that, I basically spent the day running errands. I can't believe it, but I've gone clean on the "to buy" list I'd been keeping for a while! Today I got a toolbox for my bike tools and stuff, and a bin (finally) to replace the one in the bathroom that's broken but that I've continued to "use" for...however many months now. What else...I can't remember what all else, but the point being that I think I'm caught up on that crap. Hooray!

For my downtime (basically lunch), I watched Strange Magic, which was awesome. I've had the stupid Netflix DVD for months now, so today I finally sat down and watched it. Man, I liked it so much. Basically a fairly tale jukebox musical? Animated. Like in that Frozen style. And it was a pretty mature fairy tale. I mean...not, like, dirty. I just mean...like you know how Shrek was a lot of booger jokes and donkey shenanigans and stuff? This wasn't that. It was just straight-up exciting fairly tale and fantasy stuff. High adventure and romance. It's supposed to be based on Midsummer Night's Dream. (Speaking of donkey shenanigans.) I can kinda see it? I mean, there are elements, certainly. I'm not familiar enough with MND to further analyze.

Anyway. Gb was supposed to be on school trips to the City all week, but it got cut short because of the weather, so today ended up being the last day for that. I picked up Tb at work and hung out with her for a while, and we both went and got Gb before I headed home. So, again, a nice, domestic day, I suppose. I keep saying...I could get used to this. :) But overall? Largely an uneventful day.
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