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Back in it
Jan. 2nd, 2020 09:33 pmLooks like I missed a couple days there, but I think I can let myself slide on that. Two days ago was New Years Eve, and yesterday was New Years Day. I think it's fair to say that I got very little accomplished over those two days. On the upside, by this point I think I've shaken the blues that were overtaking me before, so maybe (hopefully) we can get back to business as usual before too long. That said, I am feeling really behind on things at this point, though I suppose there's really nothing to be done about that but to keep plodding along.
Today was...all right. I set out to do stuff, and I did all right, but I did lose a couple hours there. One of the things I had to do was review the MM show from Tuesday (so I could do the video edit), and that shit was like three hours long! I combined it with what chores I could and some light admin stuff that didn't need my full attention, but the bulk of it I combined with video games. ;) So it's not like I only was doing show review, but I kind of only was as far as productivity in other areas was concerned. It's fine, though. It's legit time spent; it just felt a little weird, I guess.
Anyway. So the original plan was half the day for admin and half the day for pods. It didn't quite tilt that way (largely due to the show review, but also, to be honest, partially due to me fucking off). Even so, I got a little bit done in the pod mines, so that's not nothing! I even spent some time inboxing today, per my new plan to try and hit that incrementally, so that's a good sign. Maybe even, dare I say it, a good start to the new year. It's a familiar refrain, but: I got stuff done today, just not as much as I'd planned to. ;)
Okay, so...work-wise. I'm currently in the middle of GC. On deck I've got BSO and a UtT to finalize. And by "on deck" I mean I believe I have the necessary materials, and I just need to get in there and do it. I've further got 2 ECBs and a CL, which are awaiting client info of various stripes, but strictly speaking are past deadline. Well...one of the ECBs isn't (yet), but it's gettin' there, and I'm still miles away from starting that, it seems. ANYway. The point being, there's plenty yet to do. Also because I'm some kind of asshole to myself, I put myself in for another IGS next week.
T mused this morning that New Years Day being on Wednesday (so the first "working" day of the year being Thursday) is fucking up the "new beginnings" energy, and I can't help but agree. I've officially put off the daily job hunt requirement until next week, which feels right, especially when I'm playing catch-up with so much other stuff.
One funny thing is that I actually got the dailies handled pretty early on today...except for the blog post, which I forgot to get to, and so am only doing now at night. (T's shooting for early bedtime tonight. I can't complain.) Since it's New Years, I've been thinking about changes I want to make and so forth, mostly about work, so lemme muse on that a bit. I'm liking the idea (and so far, the practice) of the daily chipping away at email. That feels fairly good. Now it's just a matter of finding time to squeeze it in. I'd like to be more able and willing to chop up projects (particularly pod edits) over multiple days. The goal there is to be able to squeeze editing into smaller (if more numerous) blocks of time, which I think will make scheduling a lot easier. The real trick there will be not racing against deadline all the time, so...we'll see what we can do. Also one big thing is that I need to be getting a more "regular" job. I mean...really what I need is more regular income. So that's gonna be high, high priority early in the year. I'd also like to put more time and/or effort into MMP, so we'll see what that can bring.
On the non-work front, the usual, perennial stuff applies: eat better, exercise more, drop nicotine. I'd like to write more, I think, but that super depends on job stuff, money being what it is. I'd definitely like to game more. I should also (re)start carving out time for pleasure reading. At some point that got replaced with podcasts, but more recently it's been replaced by this book of logic puzzles that T gave me offhandedly a little bit ago. Which, don't get me wrong, is fun and stimulating, but I feel way behind in reading. Even if not fiction novels or so, I wouldn't mind putting in some time with gaming books. I feel like all I ever read any more in that department is rushed for IGS -- which I guess was kinda the point of IGS, but even so. I'd like to keep more regularly on top of my infostream, and maybe even do something with it, but yeah...I dunno. It's a nice thing to think about, but it's gotta be lower priority than a lot of other stuff, I guess.
On the more personal front, I was thinking maybe I'd extend these blog posts a little bit. (Good start so far, yeah? ;) ) What I mean is, this largely started as a means for me to do daily check-ins with work progress and health monitoring and stuff like that, but I guess I'd like to make room for other, more personal, blog posts. Kinda like the old days. :) I can't expect a lot from that, really...most days aren't very noteworthy at this point, let's be honest. And where I used to blog to get out a lot of thoughts and feelings, nowadays I can talk to T or my therapist. :) Nevertheless, I kinda feel like I could get back to talking more about what's going on. Commemorating things, unpacking the day...stuff like that.
So...here's a thing. S sent me a present, which was really thoughtful and, of course, very cute. It's a little raccoon decoration which now lives on my desk. I was really humbuggy this year. Well, I guess I am every year, but it seemed moreso this year. Anyway, the point being that I didn't get anyone presents except T. I'll try and be better about that come next year's holidays, but...yeah, it's just not particularly in my wheelhouse. Also...I mean, let's face it, I don't have the kind of disposable income I used to, either. But anyway. It was nice of her, and it's nice to be thought of.
Jamz got in touch with me and Austin today to let us know that an old coworker died a couple days ago. Pancreatic cancer. What a fucking shame. He was 60. He retired just a little before I left the company, so only a few years ago. I know it's not the most sentimental thing in the world, but I couldn't help getting to thinking about just...working until you die. So much time in your life wasted in that pursuit...that obligation. And then you get cancer and die. I dunno. He was a cool guy. Fun. I liked him, which I guess is rare enough. And it's a sad thing for sure. But it really drives home to me...I guess the limited resource that is one's life, and how much of it we spend on bullshit work just to keep going. I mean...that's not nothing. Keeping going, I mean. And keeping going in comfort and happiness. Like...that's gotta be worth something, right? But is it worth everything?
It's at this point where I'm sure my therapist (speaking of therapy) would caution me about all-or-nothing thinking, and that there's a balance to be found, and all that. But I'm just stating this here, basically for myself. Financial circumstances and the needs of modern society are probably going to be putting me back in an office soon. Or something office-like enough as to make no difference. And, like...it's easy for me to forget when I'm not in the office, but that shit wears me the fuck out. It's fine and good to say it's just 40 hours out of your week, but the toll it takes sucks so much life out of the remaining time. I always come back to questioning whether it's worth it. Why spend so much time just to not enjoy the rest of my time. That's how I always end up getting back out of the office.
It occurs to me now that this is MIGHTY FINE talk for someone on the cusp of going job-hunting again. So hello, any future employers who do some kind of deep dive on my life. This is what you get. If you think that's fucked up, don't even call me in for an interview. Neither of us has to waste the time. :) I do good work, and I work the hours you pay me for, and that's about all you can expect. I'll do a lot for a paycheck, but there's no paycheck that can make me like something I don't like, ya know? So, yeah, if you want to pay me to do something, I'll do it. If you want me to like it...well, that's not really up to either one of us, really.
Well, THAT'S fine and dandy. Maybe it was a mistake to try and expanding these posts again. XD So it goes, though. It's life; whaddaya gonna do. Just keep swimming.
Today was...all right. I set out to do stuff, and I did all right, but I did lose a couple hours there. One of the things I had to do was review the MM show from Tuesday (so I could do the video edit), and that shit was like three hours long! I combined it with what chores I could and some light admin stuff that didn't need my full attention, but the bulk of it I combined with video games. ;) So it's not like I only was doing show review, but I kind of only was as far as productivity in other areas was concerned. It's fine, though. It's legit time spent; it just felt a little weird, I guess.
Anyway. So the original plan was half the day for admin and half the day for pods. It didn't quite tilt that way (largely due to the show review, but also, to be honest, partially due to me fucking off). Even so, I got a little bit done in the pod mines, so that's not nothing! I even spent some time inboxing today, per my new plan to try and hit that incrementally, so that's a good sign. Maybe even, dare I say it, a good start to the new year. It's a familiar refrain, but: I got stuff done today, just not as much as I'd planned to. ;)
Okay, so...work-wise. I'm currently in the middle of GC. On deck I've got BSO and a UtT to finalize. And by "on deck" I mean I believe I have the necessary materials, and I just need to get in there and do it. I've further got 2 ECBs and a CL, which are awaiting client info of various stripes, but strictly speaking are past deadline. Well...one of the ECBs isn't (yet), but it's gettin' there, and I'm still miles away from starting that, it seems. ANYway. The point being, there's plenty yet to do. Also because I'm some kind of asshole to myself, I put myself in for another IGS next week.
T mused this morning that New Years Day being on Wednesday (so the first "working" day of the year being Thursday) is fucking up the "new beginnings" energy, and I can't help but agree. I've officially put off the daily job hunt requirement until next week, which feels right, especially when I'm playing catch-up with so much other stuff.
One funny thing is that I actually got the dailies handled pretty early on today...except for the blog post, which I forgot to get to, and so am only doing now at night. (T's shooting for early bedtime tonight. I can't complain.) Since it's New Years, I've been thinking about changes I want to make and so forth, mostly about work, so lemme muse on that a bit. I'm liking the idea (and so far, the practice) of the daily chipping away at email. That feels fairly good. Now it's just a matter of finding time to squeeze it in. I'd like to be more able and willing to chop up projects (particularly pod edits) over multiple days. The goal there is to be able to squeeze editing into smaller (if more numerous) blocks of time, which I think will make scheduling a lot easier. The real trick there will be not racing against deadline all the time, so...we'll see what we can do. Also one big thing is that I need to be getting a more "regular" job. I mean...really what I need is more regular income. So that's gonna be high, high priority early in the year. I'd also like to put more time and/or effort into MMP, so we'll see what that can bring.
On the non-work front, the usual, perennial stuff applies: eat better, exercise more, drop nicotine. I'd like to write more, I think, but that super depends on job stuff, money being what it is. I'd definitely like to game more. I should also (re)start carving out time for pleasure reading. At some point that got replaced with podcasts, but more recently it's been replaced by this book of logic puzzles that T gave me offhandedly a little bit ago. Which, don't get me wrong, is fun and stimulating, but I feel way behind in reading. Even if not fiction novels or so, I wouldn't mind putting in some time with gaming books. I feel like all I ever read any more in that department is rushed for IGS -- which I guess was kinda the point of IGS, but even so. I'd like to keep more regularly on top of my infostream, and maybe even do something with it, but yeah...I dunno. It's a nice thing to think about, but it's gotta be lower priority than a lot of other stuff, I guess.
On the more personal front, I was thinking maybe I'd extend these blog posts a little bit. (Good start so far, yeah? ;) ) What I mean is, this largely started as a means for me to do daily check-ins with work progress and health monitoring and stuff like that, but I guess I'd like to make room for other, more personal, blog posts. Kinda like the old days. :) I can't expect a lot from that, really...most days aren't very noteworthy at this point, let's be honest. And where I used to blog to get out a lot of thoughts and feelings, nowadays I can talk to T or my therapist. :) Nevertheless, I kinda feel like I could get back to talking more about what's going on. Commemorating things, unpacking the day...stuff like that.
So...here's a thing. S sent me a present, which was really thoughtful and, of course, very cute. It's a little raccoon decoration which now lives on my desk. I was really humbuggy this year. Well, I guess I am every year, but it seemed moreso this year. Anyway, the point being that I didn't get anyone presents except T. I'll try and be better about that come next year's holidays, but...yeah, it's just not particularly in my wheelhouse. Also...I mean, let's face it, I don't have the kind of disposable income I used to, either. But anyway. It was nice of her, and it's nice to be thought of.
Jamz got in touch with me and Austin today to let us know that an old coworker died a couple days ago. Pancreatic cancer. What a fucking shame. He was 60. He retired just a little before I left the company, so only a few years ago. I know it's not the most sentimental thing in the world, but I couldn't help getting to thinking about just...working until you die. So much time in your life wasted in that pursuit...that obligation. And then you get cancer and die. I dunno. He was a cool guy. Fun. I liked him, which I guess is rare enough. And it's a sad thing for sure. But it really drives home to me...I guess the limited resource that is one's life, and how much of it we spend on bullshit work just to keep going. I mean...that's not nothing. Keeping going, I mean. And keeping going in comfort and happiness. Like...that's gotta be worth something, right? But is it worth everything?
It's at this point where I'm sure my therapist (speaking of therapy) would caution me about all-or-nothing thinking, and that there's a balance to be found, and all that. But I'm just stating this here, basically for myself. Financial circumstances and the needs of modern society are probably going to be putting me back in an office soon. Or something office-like enough as to make no difference. And, like...it's easy for me to forget when I'm not in the office, but that shit wears me the fuck out. It's fine and good to say it's just 40 hours out of your week, but the toll it takes sucks so much life out of the remaining time. I always come back to questioning whether it's worth it. Why spend so much time just to not enjoy the rest of my time. That's how I always end up getting back out of the office.
It occurs to me now that this is MIGHTY FINE talk for someone on the cusp of going job-hunting again. So hello, any future employers who do some kind of deep dive on my life. This is what you get. If you think that's fucked up, don't even call me in for an interview. Neither of us has to waste the time. :) I do good work, and I work the hours you pay me for, and that's about all you can expect. I'll do a lot for a paycheck, but there's no paycheck that can make me like something I don't like, ya know? So, yeah, if you want to pay me to do something, I'll do it. If you want me to like it...well, that's not really up to either one of us, really.
Well, THAT'S fine and dandy. Maybe it was a mistake to try and expanding these posts again. XD So it goes, though. It's life; whaddaya gonna do. Just keep swimming.