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It has been a time
Jan. 21st, 2020 11:30 pmWow, so...I have missed...several days of posts now. Partially this was due to having kind of a busy weekend, partially this was due to it being a holiday weekend, and partially because I have been mired in some extreme bullshit lately and not in a great state of mind. Let's see what I can piece together here...
I last posted on Friday. Saturday I sat down and did a full GC edit, so that was nice. Shoulda been done earlier, but whaddaya gonna do. :) I didn't do a whole lot else that day, opting instead for some chill time with T. I felt I'd earned it. :)
Sunday was a fucking mess. For accountability purposes, I got pretty much nothing done that day, despite having planned on (finally) finishing up what I needed to finish up with UtT. What happened that day was some pretty messed up shit in my professional life that, for once, I'm actually not at all ready to talk about in a public forum. Everything since then has been kind of a blur; I've been trying to deal with some heavy emotional shit while also trying to be kind of professional about it, and (like I said in the title), it has been a time. Most of that day I spent in some tough conversations and then otherwise just kind of in a general freakout. So it goes. What I can take away from that, really, is that I actually felt like I was dealing pretty well, despite also feeling like the shit had really, truly hit the fan. But I felt like I was overall good to myself, gave myself some time and distance when I could, tried to manage my anxiety as best I could under the circumstances... I mean, all in all, I'm not displeased with how I handled things, but it was just a really uncomfortable thing to go through. To be going through. I'm not in danger. I'm not in crisis. It was just a hard day. Hard day.
Monday was...still largely under the thrall of the Sunday mess. That said, I also managed to get some shit done, most notably finished up UtT! Other than that, I got some office work done, dealt more with the Sunday mess, and then made it a point to try and unplug for a while and spend some time with T. (T had off work, and I felt bad that I couldn't hang out with her more, but between having work to do and a buttload of emotional fallout, I was kind of in a state. Anyway, though, it wasn't super-bad, but it definitely wasn't great. For sure I let a few things fall through the cracks that day, and of course I never feel good about that. But I'm not gonna spend a lot of time and energy self-flagellating about that. I can recognize that it was a hard day, and I needed some time to handle that. On the delightful side of things, T and I went out for a pancake lunch, so that was pretty great. And it was nice to just...hang out, ya know? Some real QT. It was good.
So, today. Tuesday. First half of the day (more than that, actually), was therapy followed by a fairly significant grocery and errand run. I got back to the office in the late afternoon and managed to get stuff done vs. the dailies. Did more work on an evening shift, caught the MM stream (which was great!), and then worked on finishing up dailies as kind of a night shift. I'm posting to truly put a button on the day. It's almost midnight now. Later than I'd like, ideally, but I got a lot accomplished today and am in a good position to hit the ground running tomorrow. Sunday fallout is lessened today (I think?), but was helped a lot by therapy and also a good, heartfelt unloading on some friends, so...I think I'm doing all right for now. Still a bit on tenterhooks, but I'm not nearly as fucked up now as I have been for the last two days.
It's frustrating a little not to talk about this stuff, but...it is what it is. Particularly, though, just for my own record, I gotta super hand it to my business partner for handling shit while I've been dealing with my own stuff. And also a huge shout-out to my good friends at the Cool Office, who absorbed a ton of hand-wringing from me and were very supportive and helpful. Like...all in all, I've got it pretty damn good, you know? I don't wanna forget that.
So with that, I put a button on this long-ass day. Long, but productive. More to come tomorrow, I'm sure. Onward and onward and onward. Peace!
I last posted on Friday. Saturday I sat down and did a full GC edit, so that was nice. Shoulda been done earlier, but whaddaya gonna do. :) I didn't do a whole lot else that day, opting instead for some chill time with T. I felt I'd earned it. :)
Sunday was a fucking mess. For accountability purposes, I got pretty much nothing done that day, despite having planned on (finally) finishing up what I needed to finish up with UtT. What happened that day was some pretty messed up shit in my professional life that, for once, I'm actually not at all ready to talk about in a public forum. Everything since then has been kind of a blur; I've been trying to deal with some heavy emotional shit while also trying to be kind of professional about it, and (like I said in the title), it has been a time. Most of that day I spent in some tough conversations and then otherwise just kind of in a general freakout. So it goes. What I can take away from that, really, is that I actually felt like I was dealing pretty well, despite also feeling like the shit had really, truly hit the fan. But I felt like I was overall good to myself, gave myself some time and distance when I could, tried to manage my anxiety as best I could under the circumstances... I mean, all in all, I'm not displeased with how I handled things, but it was just a really uncomfortable thing to go through. To be going through. I'm not in danger. I'm not in crisis. It was just a hard day. Hard day.
Monday was...still largely under the thrall of the Sunday mess. That said, I also managed to get some shit done, most notably finished up UtT! Other than that, I got some office work done, dealt more with the Sunday mess, and then made it a point to try and unplug for a while and spend some time with T. (T had off work, and I felt bad that I couldn't hang out with her more, but between having work to do and a buttload of emotional fallout, I was kind of in a state. Anyway, though, it wasn't super-bad, but it definitely wasn't great. For sure I let a few things fall through the cracks that day, and of course I never feel good about that. But I'm not gonna spend a lot of time and energy self-flagellating about that. I can recognize that it was a hard day, and I needed some time to handle that. On the delightful side of things, T and I went out for a pancake lunch, so that was pretty great. And it was nice to just...hang out, ya know? Some real QT. It was good.
So, today. Tuesday. First half of the day (more than that, actually), was therapy followed by a fairly significant grocery and errand run. I got back to the office in the late afternoon and managed to get stuff done vs. the dailies. Did more work on an evening shift, caught the MM stream (which was great!), and then worked on finishing up dailies as kind of a night shift. I'm posting to truly put a button on the day. It's almost midnight now. Later than I'd like, ideally, but I got a lot accomplished today and am in a good position to hit the ground running tomorrow. Sunday fallout is lessened today (I think?), but was helped a lot by therapy and also a good, heartfelt unloading on some friends, so...I think I'm doing all right for now. Still a bit on tenterhooks, but I'm not nearly as fucked up now as I have been for the last two days.
It's frustrating a little not to talk about this stuff, but...it is what it is. Particularly, though, just for my own record, I gotta super hand it to my business partner for handling shit while I've been dealing with my own stuff. And also a huge shout-out to my good friends at the Cool Office, who absorbed a ton of hand-wringing from me and were very supportive and helpful. Like...all in all, I've got it pretty damn good, you know? I don't wanna forget that.
So with that, I put a button on this long-ass day. Long, but productive. More to come tomorrow, I'm sure. Onward and onward and onward. Peace!